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Jul. 12th, 2005 16:06![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
torquillI realize that all I seem to be posting lately is stuff about how down I am... Things aren't all bad (the party Sunday was pretty good) but my life does seem to oscillate between "doing okay" and "things are a lot harder than they need to be". I'm currently on the latter end. Things will get better, but apparently not yet.
I had ideas for what I was going to do today. This was perhaps foolish given that I was having to scrape toxic crud off my face yesterday, but I was hoping that was the worst I was going to get. However, after I dragged myself out of bed it became apparent that I'm in toxic-exposure mode, and I'll be lucky if I manage to leave the house at all for the next couple days. Sigh.
The exposure is likely part of the reason I've been extremely depressed for the last couple of days, though it is by no means the only reason. (Being still jobless, PMSing, an exposure, and emotionally draining activities do not a happy Alison make.) I'm feeling sufficiently down that everything else is depressing too -- going out to ice cream made me cry because a simple pleasure shouldn't involve so much calculation about what's going to give me an allergic reaction.
I'm frustrated about the fact that it feels like I'm getting exposed to Formula 409 and relatives every two to three weeks; the exposure cycle takes ten days, so I'm feeling crappy all the time. The last exposure was almost certainly from my self-defense class on Saturday. Here's the really shitty part: when I called to ask the self-defense people to talk to the facilities department in the building they're using, they came back to me with "they use Simple Green and Windex". Conclusion: someone is using whiteboard cleaner elsewhere in the (office) building, and the ventilation system is bringing it to me. The facilities people can't do anything about that.
So I get to go to two more eight-hour sessions over the next two weeks in a building which is actively poisoning me. I've had worse exposures, but this is enough to make me useless for days afterward, and is going to mean I can't work for at least three weeks even if I do find a job in that time. It's a sign of how important the class is to me that I'm going to put up with this, but god damn, why can't anything ever be easy? Hell, I'd settle for "not fucking difficult".
Also in the "not as easy as it should be" category: when sitting down to take my shower today (I can't stand up for very long) I discovered that our bathtub really isn't quite wide enough for me to sit in it comfortably. I know I'm wider than some people, but Jesus Cluny Frog! *sigh* More proof that modern bathtubs are intended only as catchbasins for showers.
Meh. Ranting just makes me more depressed, and I have to look into getting these hamburger buns to the homeless shelter today. At least driving is done while sitting down...
I had ideas for what I was going to do today. This was perhaps foolish given that I was having to scrape toxic crud off my face yesterday, but I was hoping that was the worst I was going to get. However, after I dragged myself out of bed it became apparent that I'm in toxic-exposure mode, and I'll be lucky if I manage to leave the house at all for the next couple days. Sigh.
The exposure is likely part of the reason I've been extremely depressed for the last couple of days, though it is by no means the only reason. (Being still jobless, PMSing, an exposure, and emotionally draining activities do not a happy Alison make.) I'm feeling sufficiently down that everything else is depressing too -- going out to ice cream made me cry because a simple pleasure shouldn't involve so much calculation about what's going to give me an allergic reaction.
I'm frustrated about the fact that it feels like I'm getting exposed to Formula 409 and relatives every two to three weeks; the exposure cycle takes ten days, so I'm feeling crappy all the time. The last exposure was almost certainly from my self-defense class on Saturday. Here's the really shitty part: when I called to ask the self-defense people to talk to the facilities department in the building they're using, they came back to me with "they use Simple Green and Windex". Conclusion: someone is using whiteboard cleaner elsewhere in the (office) building, and the ventilation system is bringing it to me. The facilities people can't do anything about that.
So I get to go to two more eight-hour sessions over the next two weeks in a building which is actively poisoning me. I've had worse exposures, but this is enough to make me useless for days afterward, and is going to mean I can't work for at least three weeks even if I do find a job in that time. It's a sign of how important the class is to me that I'm going to put up with this, but god damn, why can't anything ever be easy? Hell, I'd settle for "not fucking difficult".
Also in the "not as easy as it should be" category: when sitting down to take my shower today (I can't stand up for very long) I discovered that our bathtub really isn't quite wide enough for me to sit in it comfortably. I know I'm wider than some people, but Jesus Cluny Frog! *sigh* More proof that modern bathtubs are intended only as catchbasins for showers.
Meh. Ranting just makes me more depressed, and I have to look into getting these hamburger buns to the homeless shelter today. At least driving is done while sitting down...
