![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
torquill10:30
I woke up at 09:40 literally gasping in pain. It was one of those odd times when I couldn't actually feel any of it, but my body was reacting to it -- reluctant to respond, weak, alternately holding my breath and gasping. Every time I moved, specific pains overlaid themselves.
I did get out of bed to use the bathroom, and took a Tylenol; I rarely have to take any kind of painkiller before breakfast. Moving about while getting dressed made my muscles burn, and I'm glad I didn't try to shower.
Once the Tylenol started to kick in, I could distinguish some of the acute pains, but most of it was nonspecific. The barometer jumped sharply early this morning, which could have triggered it -- weather-induced flares are usually full-body burning pain which comes on suddenly. Apparently it isn't gains or losses in pressure which do me in, it's the deltas: how suddenly things happen, and how unstable the mercury is. I wonder whether I could get an app which would give me the first derivative of the barometer, rather than the actual reading...
My breath is still catching, and it takes some effort to relax and breathe normally, though the Tylenol has taken the edge off. I'm hesitant to take anything stronger, as I need to be in Berkeley to see a client at 1. We'll see what tea and breakfast can do. At least I have enough energy to walk around, though I wouldn't want to try to do it for long.
My feet are very sore, and my right ankle was making unpleasant crunching sounds as I descended the stairs. I should fix them before I leave.
14:45
I drove out to the border of Berkeley and Oakland to assess a pruning job -- the weather is too unstable to prune right now, but I wanted to give them an estimate. It was about a 25 minute drive, and I walked a half block or so to get to the house. There was a stair to get up to the front door, and a stair to get down to the yard in the back; we stood around for 15 or 20 minutes discussing what needed to be done, then I headed back to the car.
By the time I got in the pain had spiked to at least a 10; all I could do was sit there and cry. The physical sensation was about half-volume, because my brain had blanked out so much of it, but what remained was so overwhelming that it almost had a sound or a taste. Psychologically I broke -- I had run out of cope after the grinding pain of the morning, and this was too much.
I sat there for about 15 minutes before I decided that I had to get home and use something stronger than Tylenol. I have a small stash of Tramadol from almost ten years ago (thank goodness it doesn't degrade into anything nasty) which I haven't used in about five years; I dislike it because it makes me foggy, and I'm wary of becoming dependent on any external method of pain control which has as fierce a set of gatekeepers as opioids do. If it were taken away I wouldn't have coping mechanisms to fall back on anymore.
I managed to drive home, as (fortunately) driving takes about as much focus as walking does for me. My throat was so tight I almost couldn't swallow, and I was still whimpering, but I let myself do that as an outlet while I focused on getting home. I couldn't focus on any train of thought outside of driving, and I don't remember much of the trip.
When I was about a half-mile from my house the pain eased. It's not gone by any stretch, but it's returned to what it was this morning, bearable with a little assistance. That it would diminish that sharply was completely unexpected, but I'm suspicious of the elevation changes I went through when getting out to Oakland; my phone always shows dramatic changes when I go through a pass or the Caldecott, and I've never thought much of it. It may be that I'm particularly sensitive to barometric changes right now (thus the flare every time a storm is coming in), and that the variations in air pressure on my trip to Oakland tipped me over the edge. A return to my usual elevation could, conceivably, get my system to stand down, though that's a far more rapid response than I would have anticipated.
It also means that my flare today may not be from the weather, but from repeatedly going out to Pittsburg yesterday and traveling between the Pittsburg hills and the flats to get from one place to another last night. I should keep an eye on that.
For now I'm staying home for the day. I may still resort to a little Tramadol just to get a break and some rest; otherwise I'll try to take it easy.
21:15
I watched TV and shaped lamb kebabs for a couple of hours, and when I got up to put them in the oven I felt quite tired. Holding anything up, such as a plate of food (with one hand) or the dish of kebabs (with both hands) made the muscles in my arms burn all the way up to the shoulder after less than a minute. They were starting to cramp after a minute and a half.
I had three helpings of dinner, and now I'm snacking (a few extra kebabs and a can of peaches, and I may have the last of the bread before it goes totally stale) because I'm starving and cold. Pain kills my appetite, so I didn't eat much today, and I'm paying for it now.
I'm so exhausted I hope I can stay awake long enough to eat until I'm not terribly hungry. I'm worn down physically and emotionally; today has just been really difficult, and I want to stop having to constantly focus on my bodily needs. Maybe tomorrow will be better.
I woke up at 09:40 literally gasping in pain. It was one of those odd times when I couldn't actually feel any of it, but my body was reacting to it -- reluctant to respond, weak, alternately holding my breath and gasping. Every time I moved, specific pains overlaid themselves.
I did get out of bed to use the bathroom, and took a Tylenol; I rarely have to take any kind of painkiller before breakfast. Moving about while getting dressed made my muscles burn, and I'm glad I didn't try to shower.
Once the Tylenol started to kick in, I could distinguish some of the acute pains, but most of it was nonspecific. The barometer jumped sharply early this morning, which could have triggered it -- weather-induced flares are usually full-body burning pain which comes on suddenly. Apparently it isn't gains or losses in pressure which do me in, it's the deltas: how suddenly things happen, and how unstable the mercury is. I wonder whether I could get an app which would give me the first derivative of the barometer, rather than the actual reading...
My breath is still catching, and it takes some effort to relax and breathe normally, though the Tylenol has taken the edge off. I'm hesitant to take anything stronger, as I need to be in Berkeley to see a client at 1. We'll see what tea and breakfast can do. At least I have enough energy to walk around, though I wouldn't want to try to do it for long.
My feet are very sore, and my right ankle was making unpleasant crunching sounds as I descended the stairs. I should fix them before I leave.
14:45
I drove out to the border of Berkeley and Oakland to assess a pruning job -- the weather is too unstable to prune right now, but I wanted to give them an estimate. It was about a 25 minute drive, and I walked a half block or so to get to the house. There was a stair to get up to the front door, and a stair to get down to the yard in the back; we stood around for 15 or 20 minutes discussing what needed to be done, then I headed back to the car.
By the time I got in the pain had spiked to at least a 10; all I could do was sit there and cry. The physical sensation was about half-volume, because my brain had blanked out so much of it, but what remained was so overwhelming that it almost had a sound or a taste. Psychologically I broke -- I had run out of cope after the grinding pain of the morning, and this was too much.
I sat there for about 15 minutes before I decided that I had to get home and use something stronger than Tylenol. I have a small stash of Tramadol from almost ten years ago (thank goodness it doesn't degrade into anything nasty) which I haven't used in about five years; I dislike it because it makes me foggy, and I'm wary of becoming dependent on any external method of pain control which has as fierce a set of gatekeepers as opioids do. If it were taken away I wouldn't have coping mechanisms to fall back on anymore.
I managed to drive home, as (fortunately) driving takes about as much focus as walking does for me. My throat was so tight I almost couldn't swallow, and I was still whimpering, but I let myself do that as an outlet while I focused on getting home. I couldn't focus on any train of thought outside of driving, and I don't remember much of the trip.
When I was about a half-mile from my house the pain eased. It's not gone by any stretch, but it's returned to what it was this morning, bearable with a little assistance. That it would diminish that sharply was completely unexpected, but I'm suspicious of the elevation changes I went through when getting out to Oakland; my phone always shows dramatic changes when I go through a pass or the Caldecott, and I've never thought much of it. It may be that I'm particularly sensitive to barometric changes right now (thus the flare every time a storm is coming in), and that the variations in air pressure on my trip to Oakland tipped me over the edge. A return to my usual elevation could, conceivably, get my system to stand down, though that's a far more rapid response than I would have anticipated.
It also means that my flare today may not be from the weather, but from repeatedly going out to Pittsburg yesterday and traveling between the Pittsburg hills and the flats to get from one place to another last night. I should keep an eye on that.
For now I'm staying home for the day. I may still resort to a little Tramadol just to get a break and some rest; otherwise I'll try to take it easy.
21:15
I watched TV and shaped lamb kebabs for a couple of hours, and when I got up to put them in the oven I felt quite tired. Holding anything up, such as a plate of food (with one hand) or the dish of kebabs (with both hands) made the muscles in my arms burn all the way up to the shoulder after less than a minute. They were starting to cramp after a minute and a half.
I had three helpings of dinner, and now I'm snacking (a few extra kebabs and a can of peaches, and I may have the last of the bread before it goes totally stale) because I'm starving and cold. Pain kills my appetite, so I didn't eat much today, and I'm paying for it now.
I'm so exhausted I hope I can stay awake long enough to eat until I'm not terribly hungry. I'm worn down physically and emotionally; today has just been really difficult, and I want to stop having to constantly focus on my bodily needs. Maybe tomorrow will be better.