One small step forward
Jul. 14th, 2016 14:50![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
torquillHow is it that simply calling the Social Security Administration to make an appointment is enough to make me feel like crap?
Don't answer that. I know the reason... I still haven't expunged the creeping feeling that by applying for permanent disability I'm giving up and admitting failure. It doesn't matter that asking me to work a 40-hour week is equivalent to asking a paraplegic to dance a waltz -- the conditioning I've had my whole life, around work ethics and capabilities and what makes a person worthwhile, is all acting like a horrible swamp full of trash that sucks at my self esteem.
I deserve to be able to live without trading my health for money. The fact that I'm reliant on others is not through any fault of mine, and I shouldn't be ashamed of it. Most people don't have a full-time job of just keeping their bodies going.
I'll keep saying these things to myself, and maybe I won't be a complete wreck by the time my appointment comes around. If I am, well, my therapy appointment is that afternoon. We'll see on August 2.
Don't answer that. I know the reason... I still haven't expunged the creeping feeling that by applying for permanent disability I'm giving up and admitting failure. It doesn't matter that asking me to work a 40-hour week is equivalent to asking a paraplegic to dance a waltz -- the conditioning I've had my whole life, around work ethics and capabilities and what makes a person worthwhile, is all acting like a horrible swamp full of trash that sucks at my self esteem.
I deserve to be able to live without trading my health for money. The fact that I'm reliant on others is not through any fault of mine, and I shouldn't be ashamed of it. Most people don't have a full-time job of just keeping their bodies going.
I'll keep saying these things to myself, and maybe I won't be a complete wreck by the time my appointment comes around. If I am, well, my therapy appointment is that afternoon. We'll see on August 2.
