Not-so-sweet dreams
Apr. 20th, 2016 09:37![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
torquillMy dreams lately seem designed to break my heart.
Night before last I dreamt I was part of a group who was hanging out and... doing a moving party, perhaps? I realized that one guy was prepping to get on his motorcycle and leave (he looked like Mack from Agents of SHIELD). I asked whether I'd catch him later, and he said something to the effect that he was getting transferred, and wouldn't be back. He was leaving for good. So I immediately made my way down to him (I'd been on top of some sort of terrace, so I had to head to the driveway and thus down to the sidewalk) to give him a hug goodbye, since he couldn't really expect to be allowed to leave without one. I gave him a good long hug, but my composure crumbled by the end, and he ended up sitting with me for a few minutes to make sure I was okay. I have no idea where in the process he turned into someone resembling Dave Bautista -- that's not someone I normally think about at all.
I said that I must not have hugged him before, or gotten close to him. He muttered something about how he thought I had, sometime... I said that this was the first time I had actually known what he smelled like, and he smelled amazingly good to me. If I had known that earlier, I might have pursued it, since he was now way more attractive... but he was leaving in a few minutes and never coming back. He just sat with me for a little bit longer, until I woke up. It put me out of sorts all day.
Last night I was at a party in a large building (a gym? A big house? Hard to tell) and sitting on the couch, eating. Someone I sort of knew sat down next to me, and we talked about the burgers they were serving. I said it would have been really nice if they had... I think I said if they had provided free-range beef (as I have long since internalized that I can't eat conventional ground beef). My couch-mate snorted and asked whether they should switch to ciabatta rolls and top it with sun-dried tomato puree and garlic aioli, and aged gruyere, and don't forget the heirloom gourmet greens. It didn't seem like the mockery was directed at me per se, but it was the last straw for me -- I guess I had been dealing with that sort of crap all day, and I ranted about how every attempt at reasonable conversation has to turn into hyperbole as I left. I just wanted to get away from everybody, but as I went upstairs I encountered a young boy who asked me if I knew where my husband was. I said no, not really, and he gleefully informed me that my husband was directly beneath our feet, swimming in the indoor pool. I said that's nice, I don't really care, and escaped to a lounge. There was only one person there, an old acquaintance of mine whom I recognized at the time, but who I can't put a name to now. People look different in dreams.
I sat down on the other end of the table by the window, clutching my plate and trying to get a grip rather than bawling. My tablemate left me to it for a bit, then casually mentioned something about an article he was reading. We settled into a chat about bits of news; he was aware I wasn't quite okay, but he was letting me cope with it. He showed me an article about the latest wearable tech, which was an all-body experience, including gloves with extra sensors and a bit of power-assist, arm and leg pieces which helped with temp control, torso pieces to monitor body functions and so on, and a helmet with augmented reality; the whole nine yards. I couldn't believe it was as affordable as it was, given that it was metal (some hardened aluminum alloy, I think) rather than plastic. The new model was slated for June and priced at $6K. I said it would be no time at all before the price came down, and given the computing power involved, it would be reasonable to get that rather than another desktop system (I must have been off by a factor of 10, my brain does that). I thought about owning one of those systems, living in "the future", and blurted, "I'd have my own set of Iron Man armor." Then I started crying. The argument downstairs, the tech, all of it was just more than I could handle.
I woke up with anxiety and body dysmorphia issues. I suspect hormonal fluctuations are at fault, but I have my work cut out for me with getting my head back into a normal kind of space. Ugh.
I hadn't realized how much I want an Iron Man suit, either.
Night before last I dreamt I was part of a group who was hanging out and... doing a moving party, perhaps? I realized that one guy was prepping to get on his motorcycle and leave (he looked like Mack from Agents of SHIELD). I asked whether I'd catch him later, and he said something to the effect that he was getting transferred, and wouldn't be back. He was leaving for good. So I immediately made my way down to him (I'd been on top of some sort of terrace, so I had to head to the driveway and thus down to the sidewalk) to give him a hug goodbye, since he couldn't really expect to be allowed to leave without one. I gave him a good long hug, but my composure crumbled by the end, and he ended up sitting with me for a few minutes to make sure I was okay. I have no idea where in the process he turned into someone resembling Dave Bautista -- that's not someone I normally think about at all.
I said that I must not have hugged him before, or gotten close to him. He muttered something about how he thought I had, sometime... I said that this was the first time I had actually known what he smelled like, and he smelled amazingly good to me. If I had known that earlier, I might have pursued it, since he was now way more attractive... but he was leaving in a few minutes and never coming back. He just sat with me for a little bit longer, until I woke up. It put me out of sorts all day.
Last night I was at a party in a large building (a gym? A big house? Hard to tell) and sitting on the couch, eating. Someone I sort of knew sat down next to me, and we talked about the burgers they were serving. I said it would have been really nice if they had... I think I said if they had provided free-range beef (as I have long since internalized that I can't eat conventional ground beef). My couch-mate snorted and asked whether they should switch to ciabatta rolls and top it with sun-dried tomato puree and garlic aioli, and aged gruyere, and don't forget the heirloom gourmet greens. It didn't seem like the mockery was directed at me per se, but it was the last straw for me -- I guess I had been dealing with that sort of crap all day, and I ranted about how every attempt at reasonable conversation has to turn into hyperbole as I left. I just wanted to get away from everybody, but as I went upstairs I encountered a young boy who asked me if I knew where my husband was. I said no, not really, and he gleefully informed me that my husband was directly beneath our feet, swimming in the indoor pool. I said that's nice, I don't really care, and escaped to a lounge. There was only one person there, an old acquaintance of mine whom I recognized at the time, but who I can't put a name to now. People look different in dreams.
I sat down on the other end of the table by the window, clutching my plate and trying to get a grip rather than bawling. My tablemate left me to it for a bit, then casually mentioned something about an article he was reading. We settled into a chat about bits of news; he was aware I wasn't quite okay, but he was letting me cope with it. He showed me an article about the latest wearable tech, which was an all-body experience, including gloves with extra sensors and a bit of power-assist, arm and leg pieces which helped with temp control, torso pieces to monitor body functions and so on, and a helmet with augmented reality; the whole nine yards. I couldn't believe it was as affordable as it was, given that it was metal (some hardened aluminum alloy, I think) rather than plastic. The new model was slated for June and priced at $6K. I said it would be no time at all before the price came down, and given the computing power involved, it would be reasonable to get that rather than another desktop system (I must have been off by a factor of 10, my brain does that). I thought about owning one of those systems, living in "the future", and blurted, "I'd have my own set of Iron Man armor." Then I started crying. The argument downstairs, the tech, all of it was just more than I could handle.
I woke up with anxiety and body dysmorphia issues. I suspect hormonal fluctuations are at fault, but I have my work cut out for me with getting my head back into a normal kind of space. Ugh.
I hadn't realized how much I want an Iron Man suit, either.
