torquill: Doctor Wilson, thoughtful (wilson)
[personal profile] torquill
The experiment proceeds. So far so good, for the most part.

I'm suddenly bleeding a lot more, which is good. I'm still hoping my temperature will drop in the next day or so, which will signal an end to the estrogen imbalance. As it is, though, most of my symptoms have eased, including the cramps, nausea, and aversion to food. So that's something, at least. (I haven't tried dairy yet, but sugar tastes right again.)

I've noticed I'm skewing a little more masculine at times; I don't feel too feminine all the time, as I was for the last few weeks. And last night, when I masturbated for the first time in weeks (I hadn't dared when I knew it would just make me sick), I ended up actually feeling like a man for the first time in my life. It was something I struggle to describe, even to myself, but my self-image was that of a somewhat effeminate man, and it felt right. It was one of those things I just knew. Until it faded some twenty minutes later, and I was back to "N/A".

I've felt like a woman a handful of times, but at least now I know what it's like to be on the other end of the spectrum; it affirmed that I really am squarely in the middle 90% of the time, however fluid I may sometimes be.

The only side effect of the GSE I've noticed is that it seems to be hard on my adrenals. I've been getting tinnitus occasionally since I started taking it, and early this morning I kept waking up with a surge of adrenaline. "Oh my god, I need to make sure I hang the laundry out!" "I forgot about getting paint for my rear-view mirror!" The muted ringer for the phone, which usually barely disturbs me, woke me with a jolt. I finally gave up and got out of bed... I'll start regular doses of my Chinese kidney tonic, and I need to look up the relationship between progesterone, androgens, and cortisol again.

So things are going okay. My testosterone kicking in has made me think about calling for a new appointment with a different doctor and saying that I'd like to talk to them about a referral to endocrinology. This stuff is way complex, and I'd like another shot at having an expert's opinion. We'll see.

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Torquill

May 2021

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