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torquillI'd like to whine a little about the food situation.
I normally have some food restrictions. Wheat is the primary one, though I've been tolerating it better in recent months. Antibiotics in meat. The wetter forms of soy. I don't get along well with nuts and seeds in general, though I can have some. I've been avoiding canned fish for some time, though I may have better luck these days. Those are the familiar ones I've had for a decade and a half now, and I'm used to them.
The hormone imbalance has added a whole new dimension, though. I'm off of milk products entirely, with the exception of small amounts of butter; it seems that my digestion will no longer put up with them. My appetite has been poor or worse, and many foods (though I can, technically, eat them) are off the table because my vague queasiness says they're revolting. Animal fats (with the aforementioned exception). Fish of any kind. Sweetened foods -- I had some homemade non-dairy ice cream tonight and almost didn't finish it, because it was sweet. I'm fine with fruit (it feels like I'm living on apples) but even sweet potatoes are unappealing. I couldn't face sauteed onions tonight. The list goes on; depending on how bad the queasiness is, virtually nothing sounds edible, and only a few things might be tolerable. Like apples. Or hard-boiled eggs.
The one exception to a few of these restrictions is Hershey's milk chocolate, for some unknown reason. I can't stomach chocolate of a finer pedigree. I'm also kind of stuck because the backup food I tend to carry -- granola bars and energy bars -- are all sweet. I've complained before that no one makes an energy or snack bar that isn't as sweet as candy, but never have I felt it so keenly.
A few things make food more appealing. The presence of vinegar, or fresh garlic, or mint, or ginger. I still eat mayonnaise (veggie oil, vinegar, and cold eggs), and I enjoy marinated salads of various kinds. The ice cream I did actually finish was mint-flavored. I've been eating a lot of potatoes tossed with garlic and oil, and pasta salad. Occasionally I make a point to eat lean meat or cold eggs. I seem to be doing all right; I'm not going to keel over from a nutrient deficiency. But it's taken food from the realm of "takes thought" to "I don't want to deal with this".
Maybe this is a taste of what I would have gotten had I ever chosen to become pregnant. The one solace I have is that I can alter the situation at will; I suspect that if I go off of birth control entirely, the queasiness will let up, if only for a while. And I have plans to get the levels more into balance from there. But for now, I'm hanging on for just a little longer in an attempt to build up my finances, which have been so hard-hit these last few months. If I can work through this week, I'll feel like I have some income for August, and I can let the rest of the month go. I've started bleeding more than a little, so we'll see whether my hand is forced before the week is up. But I have to try.
Some days the depression is worse, and I'm denied even the relief of eating for comfort. Food doesn't make me feel better now, even when I'm half-starved because I skipped a meal or two. The best my body does is say "I guess that's tolerable" and give me a little more energy. And sometimes it laughs at my attempt to have a little Parmesan cheese with my pasta and dumps everything immediately. I'm getting rather tired of this game, and financial survival is the only reason I'm prolonging it.
Someday I'll look back on this, and bundle it up with all the other bad memories of 2015, and throw it under the Man when it burns.
I normally have some food restrictions. Wheat is the primary one, though I've been tolerating it better in recent months. Antibiotics in meat. The wetter forms of soy. I don't get along well with nuts and seeds in general, though I can have some. I've been avoiding canned fish for some time, though I may have better luck these days. Those are the familiar ones I've had for a decade and a half now, and I'm used to them.
The hormone imbalance has added a whole new dimension, though. I'm off of milk products entirely, with the exception of small amounts of butter; it seems that my digestion will no longer put up with them. My appetite has been poor or worse, and many foods (though I can, technically, eat them) are off the table because my vague queasiness says they're revolting. Animal fats (with the aforementioned exception). Fish of any kind. Sweetened foods -- I had some homemade non-dairy ice cream tonight and almost didn't finish it, because it was sweet. I'm fine with fruit (it feels like I'm living on apples) but even sweet potatoes are unappealing. I couldn't face sauteed onions tonight. The list goes on; depending on how bad the queasiness is, virtually nothing sounds edible, and only a few things might be tolerable. Like apples. Or hard-boiled eggs.
The one exception to a few of these restrictions is Hershey's milk chocolate, for some unknown reason. I can't stomach chocolate of a finer pedigree. I'm also kind of stuck because the backup food I tend to carry -- granola bars and energy bars -- are all sweet. I've complained before that no one makes an energy or snack bar that isn't as sweet as candy, but never have I felt it so keenly.
A few things make food more appealing. The presence of vinegar, or fresh garlic, or mint, or ginger. I still eat mayonnaise (veggie oil, vinegar, and cold eggs), and I enjoy marinated salads of various kinds. The ice cream I did actually finish was mint-flavored. I've been eating a lot of potatoes tossed with garlic and oil, and pasta salad. Occasionally I make a point to eat lean meat or cold eggs. I seem to be doing all right; I'm not going to keel over from a nutrient deficiency. But it's taken food from the realm of "takes thought" to "I don't want to deal with this".
Maybe this is a taste of what I would have gotten had I ever chosen to become pregnant. The one solace I have is that I can alter the situation at will; I suspect that if I go off of birth control entirely, the queasiness will let up, if only for a while. And I have plans to get the levels more into balance from there. But for now, I'm hanging on for just a little longer in an attempt to build up my finances, which have been so hard-hit these last few months. If I can work through this week, I'll feel like I have some income for August, and I can let the rest of the month go. I've started bleeding more than a little, so we'll see whether my hand is forced before the week is up. But I have to try.
Some days the depression is worse, and I'm denied even the relief of eating for comfort. Food doesn't make me feel better now, even when I'm half-starved because I skipped a meal or two. The best my body does is say "I guess that's tolerable" and give me a little more energy. And sometimes it laughs at my attempt to have a little Parmesan cheese with my pasta and dumps everything immediately. I'm getting rather tired of this game, and financial survival is the only reason I'm prolonging it.
Someday I'll look back on this, and bundle it up with all the other bad memories of 2015, and throw it under the Man when it burns.
