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torquillWhen I discover that I have done something wrong in an official context because I was given wrong information (or no information at all), I have a story that says that the person in authority who points this out won't believe me when I say I was working with wrong intelligence. They will therefore decide that I am not serious about the situation, and dismiss me and my concerns. (I also reserve a particularly vicious kind of anger for the entity which has put me in that position.)
I think I can thank a specific grade-school teacher for that, along with a host of administrative officials in high school and college. Ones that had gotten so cynical that they were tired of "kids' excuses" and had stopped even considering that the system, or an individual, had made an error.
I was surprised when I had to fight down tears this morning, after being told that I was supposed to have drunk a bunch of water an hour before my medical appointment, and that the sheet that was given to me had included all the instructions. No sheet had been given or mailed to me by anyone. The consequence of this was that I might have to reschedule, which distressed me because I had already tangled with the rat's maze of a hospital to get there today, and the prospect of having to just go home and go through it all again later (and thus delay getting this very frustrating medical issue sorted) was upsetting. But I later figured out that it was actually more vital to me that the tech understand that I was serious, that I wasn't wasting her time, and that she shouldn't dismiss me. It turned out she could get what she needed today, but I still cried all the way home. (I'll speak to the department which should have given me the paperwork when I have my follow-up.)
I'm running into the same situation with the name-change documents for the court. The instructions are either scant or missing, and what may make intuitive sense to a legal clerk or judge is cryptic to me. I'm doing my best, but I have this horrible feeling that the people at the court will look over what I have, sniff, and tell me I did it all wrong and I should go home. Which wouldn't have any dire consequences -- I wouldn't be out any money, and a few days' delay would be tiny compared to the number of weeks I've let the forms sit here before deciding to fill them out -- but the prospect of my petition being discounted and dismissed by the people in charge is crushing.
It's interesting that my quest to be viewed as a real person, and for my needs to be seen as valid, has been settled on the social stage but not when it comes to authority figures. Maybe now that I recognize that, I can make some adjustments.
I think I can thank a specific grade-school teacher for that, along with a host of administrative officials in high school and college. Ones that had gotten so cynical that they were tired of "kids' excuses" and had stopped even considering that the system, or an individual, had made an error.
I was surprised when I had to fight down tears this morning, after being told that I was supposed to have drunk a bunch of water an hour before my medical appointment, and that the sheet that was given to me had included all the instructions. No sheet had been given or mailed to me by anyone. The consequence of this was that I might have to reschedule, which distressed me because I had already tangled with the rat's maze of a hospital to get there today, and the prospect of having to just go home and go through it all again later (and thus delay getting this very frustrating medical issue sorted) was upsetting. But I later figured out that it was actually more vital to me that the tech understand that I was serious, that I wasn't wasting her time, and that she shouldn't dismiss me. It turned out she could get what she needed today, but I still cried all the way home. (I'll speak to the department which should have given me the paperwork when I have my follow-up.)
I'm running into the same situation with the name-change documents for the court. The instructions are either scant or missing, and what may make intuitive sense to a legal clerk or judge is cryptic to me. I'm doing my best, but I have this horrible feeling that the people at the court will look over what I have, sniff, and tell me I did it all wrong and I should go home. Which wouldn't have any dire consequences -- I wouldn't be out any money, and a few days' delay would be tiny compared to the number of weeks I've let the forms sit here before deciding to fill them out -- but the prospect of my petition being discounted and dismissed by the people in charge is crushing.
It's interesting that my quest to be viewed as a real person, and for my needs to be seen as valid, has been settled on the social stage but not when it comes to authority figures. Maybe now that I recognize that, I can make some adjustments.
no subject
Date: 2015-06-24 00:14 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-06-24 05:25 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-06-24 15:17 (UTC)