Another Consonance come and gone... the theme for me this year was apparently *shrug*.

I went for social reasons only -- none of the program items caught my eye, but there's a bunch of people there that (now that I can't go to Baycon) I almost never see. So I drove down to Milpitas tonight, paid $20 for a membership because I know how much they need the money, and hung out for a while.

None of the people whom I usually hang out with (or feel drawn to) were there this time. I got there in time for the dinner run, suggested that I'd like to go to Black Angus for meeeeeet, and had Mary Ann and kids agree that it sounded good... then bail because apparently Kelsey wanted to come with them, and she's vegan. So I went by myself, which added the bonus of being able to eat at the bar and avoid the 45 minute wait.

I hung out in Consuite for a bit, met some nice people, saw a few old friends, but really I was just wandering. I spent a lot of time alone without feeling lonely, which probably reflects my lack of self-time lately. And really, I think music and social events really aren't where my head is at right now... I should remember that when I wonder why I always spend my free time by myself, rather than visiting with friends I haven't seen in a long time.

I bought a CD, had my kid-tolerance exceeded, and went home. I don't regret any of the evening, suggesting I got something out of it (the drive, if nothing else), and that I bailed when I should have.

Then again, Eagle is just silent in general. All I've got is a vague numbness underneath the agreeable pragmatism -- no passionate response to anything. I think Eagle has taken a vacation. I've squashed my emotional side before in the interests of getting an urgent project done, and I've burned out to the point of depressed apathy before, but never have the two combined in such a way as to make me engaged and interested, but emotionally unresponsive. If I still feel this way tomorrow, it will be very strange.

At least it means that I'm not feeling like I've missed out on something, or disappointed about not finding people to hang out with, or disgusted that I drove that far without doing anything special. I'm feeling okay, and there's nothing wrong with that.

I didn't sing at all this weekend; I barely even listened to much filk. The con was a third its normal size, which must have taken it down into the double digits... There were a lot of people I expected to see, and didn't. So for many, myself included, it became a kind of relax-a-con. I spent a lot of time with Jim Dennis, whom I don't get to see often; he was feeling antisocial, I was feeling antisocial, and so we went off and were antisocial together. It worked.

The one concert I absolutely went out of my way to catch (programming was very, very light this year) was, of course, Rand and Adam: ( Ookla the Mok. )

If you get the chance, hit their site, have a listen (I think they still have samples of their music up, or you can ask me to rip you a couple of songs) and see if you like what you hear. They're great guys, all of them.