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torquill14:30
Got out of bed at 12:30, after sleeping very soundly for about eight hours. Didn't shower, got dressed, came downstairs for some breakfast. I've been catching up on the computer since.
My energy level is close to what it was yesterday -- my mind is active, and I can climb the stairs without thinking about it. My pain level is present but not high, and mostly focused in my upper back. My feet are sore, but not unbearable; I wouldn't want to walk a lot, but I can walk across the house all right. My eyes are as clear as they get, with only a touch of transient blurriness (in the right eye this time).
The weather is sunny, though it's acting like it won't be for long. I hope I can get out and at least put a few shovels of wood chips on the mudhole that is my parking spot.
15:05
And just like that, poof went my energy. I went upstairs to fetch my laundry and my legs started burning with fatigue; I did a little stain control and started some wash, then I was going to start making bread. I realized I was standing in the kitchen staring at the recipe and I couldn't figure out how to double 1 1/2 cups, so I came back to the computer and sat down again.
I'm suddenly exhausted. Not "I had a late night and I'm still recovering", but "I've been working for four hours and I need a break" tired. This is what it feels like to suddenly run out of spoons. My mind is so foggy it's hard to write coherently. I can't remember what I had planned on doing today. I probably need to eat more than just toast and a banana, but I don't have the energy to get up.
I can feel myself slipping into "power save" mode again, and if I just sit quietly and relax, I might get some energy back. I'm not really worth much for anything else right now.
15:25There we go. Still a bit foggy, but my peripheral vision is back (I hadn't realized it was gone). I need to be careful today, I guess.
At least some of these crashes are probably from lack of food... I once bought a glucometer and took readings when I was crashing like that (as well as before and after meals) and the reading never dropped below 95. When food is scarce, though, my body seems to be exceptionally good at cutting services rather than burning stored reserves (which is why it's so hard to lose weight). Visual processing takes a lot of energy, so it starts to go pretty quickly. I start running cold. Cognitive ability begins to slow down like a CPU throttling power. In the longer term, my muscles don't store as much glycogen, and my lactic acid handling slips, so my muscles tire and start to burn sooner. In the even longer term, I don't heal as quickly, my mood is less stable, and my hormones go a little weird; I suspect I also end up with some minor vitamin deficiencies. When power is scarce, you end up turning off the lights and appliances you don't need -- it's okay, that lamp doesn't need to be lit anyway, and I'll turn the computer back on when I need to use it. It's when you find yourself turning off the fridge for an hour at a time that things get iffy...
If that's the case, the solution is to eat more. It's been difficult since I had to cut out dairy (because of the estrogen content), as that eliminated a bunch of my easy, cheap, balanced foods. I have to cook more stuff from scratch now. Finding the energy to do that right now is hard, because I've dug myself into a hole. I'll figure it out, though -- if I can bake bread, I'll have cheap and available calories, and I have lamb for kebabs in the fridge. Then I just need to fix some vegetables, which usually aren't hard (thank god for the microwave).
It's also difficult for me to mentally get my head around how much I need to eat right now -- if I'm running a deficit, I need to catch up, and that means almost double the calories I'm "supposed" to need. But if I do that, I feel warmer, I can think more clearly, my mood improves, all good things. And I don't gain weight from it, interestingly enough.
So, time to start project Eat All The Things.
20:30
I made myself cereal, and pasta with a dab of pesto, and a bit of leftover chicken, and I set out to do laundry and start the bread. By the time I had eaten more than a little, I started feeling ravenously hungry, which fits the pattern.
I've been tired, but able to keep going if I push myself a little. I'm oscillating between being cold and having enough body heat -- putting more clothing on doesn't help unless my internal heater is going, and at that point I don't need a sweater. So I've just been focusing on trying to fix food and eat it.
I had two helpings of potato pancakes and sausage at dinner, and the bread just came out of the oven. Maybe tomorrow I can do the kebabs I was planning, and make enough that they'll last for a few days... I don't want the majority of my calories to come from meat, but I should try to keep the carbohydrates from getting too put of whack with the protein.
My feet have been getting more and more stiff as the day goes on, possibly because I've been standing so much in the kitchen. I hobble when I get up, now, and I want to get off them as soon as I can. I'll try to fix them before bed, hopefully they'll be better in the morning.
I'm feeling about done in for the night. I'll do a bit of mending, but I just want to sit and rest, and I may go to bed early. I feel like I've had a full day despite only accomplishing a handful of things, but that's the way it goes.
Got out of bed at 12:30, after sleeping very soundly for about eight hours. Didn't shower, got dressed, came downstairs for some breakfast. I've been catching up on the computer since.
My energy level is close to what it was yesterday -- my mind is active, and I can climb the stairs without thinking about it. My pain level is present but not high, and mostly focused in my upper back. My feet are sore, but not unbearable; I wouldn't want to walk a lot, but I can walk across the house all right. My eyes are as clear as they get, with only a touch of transient blurriness (in the right eye this time).
The weather is sunny, though it's acting like it won't be for long. I hope I can get out and at least put a few shovels of wood chips on the mudhole that is my parking spot.
15:05
And just like that, poof went my energy. I went upstairs to fetch my laundry and my legs started burning with fatigue; I did a little stain control and started some wash, then I was going to start making bread. I realized I was standing in the kitchen staring at the recipe and I couldn't figure out how to double 1 1/2 cups, so I came back to the computer and sat down again.
I'm suddenly exhausted. Not "I had a late night and I'm still recovering", but "I've been working for four hours and I need a break" tired. This is what it feels like to suddenly run out of spoons. My mind is so foggy it's hard to write coherently. I can't remember what I had planned on doing today. I probably need to eat more than just toast and a banana, but I don't have the energy to get up.
I can feel myself slipping into "power save" mode again, and if I just sit quietly and relax, I might get some energy back. I'm not really worth much for anything else right now.
15:25There we go. Still a bit foggy, but my peripheral vision is back (I hadn't realized it was gone). I need to be careful today, I guess.
At least some of these crashes are probably from lack of food... I once bought a glucometer and took readings when I was crashing like that (as well as before and after meals) and the reading never dropped below 95. When food is scarce, though, my body seems to be exceptionally good at cutting services rather than burning stored reserves (which is why it's so hard to lose weight). Visual processing takes a lot of energy, so it starts to go pretty quickly. I start running cold. Cognitive ability begins to slow down like a CPU throttling power. In the longer term, my muscles don't store as much glycogen, and my lactic acid handling slips, so my muscles tire and start to burn sooner. In the even longer term, I don't heal as quickly, my mood is less stable, and my hormones go a little weird; I suspect I also end up with some minor vitamin deficiencies. When power is scarce, you end up turning off the lights and appliances you don't need -- it's okay, that lamp doesn't need to be lit anyway, and I'll turn the computer back on when I need to use it. It's when you find yourself turning off the fridge for an hour at a time that things get iffy...
If that's the case, the solution is to eat more. It's been difficult since I had to cut out dairy (because of the estrogen content), as that eliminated a bunch of my easy, cheap, balanced foods. I have to cook more stuff from scratch now. Finding the energy to do that right now is hard, because I've dug myself into a hole. I'll figure it out, though -- if I can bake bread, I'll have cheap and available calories, and I have lamb for kebabs in the fridge. Then I just need to fix some vegetables, which usually aren't hard (thank god for the microwave).
It's also difficult for me to mentally get my head around how much I need to eat right now -- if I'm running a deficit, I need to catch up, and that means almost double the calories I'm "supposed" to need. But if I do that, I feel warmer, I can think more clearly, my mood improves, all good things. And I don't gain weight from it, interestingly enough.
So, time to start project Eat All The Things.
20:30
I made myself cereal, and pasta with a dab of pesto, and a bit of leftover chicken, and I set out to do laundry and start the bread. By the time I had eaten more than a little, I started feeling ravenously hungry, which fits the pattern.
I've been tired, but able to keep going if I push myself a little. I'm oscillating between being cold and having enough body heat -- putting more clothing on doesn't help unless my internal heater is going, and at that point I don't need a sweater. So I've just been focusing on trying to fix food and eat it.
I had two helpings of potato pancakes and sausage at dinner, and the bread just came out of the oven. Maybe tomorrow I can do the kebabs I was planning, and make enough that they'll last for a few days... I don't want the majority of my calories to come from meat, but I should try to keep the carbohydrates from getting too put of whack with the protein.
My feet have been getting more and more stiff as the day goes on, possibly because I've been standing so much in the kitchen. I hobble when I get up, now, and I want to get off them as soon as I can. I'll try to fix them before bed, hopefully they'll be better in the morning.
I'm feeling about done in for the night. I'll do a bit of mending, but I just want to sit and rest, and I may go to bed early. I feel like I've had a full day despite only accomplishing a handful of things, but that's the way it goes.