Sooo.... let's do this thing.
Mar. 2nd, 2016 18:18![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
torquillI'm going to be applying for SSI in pretty short order.
People ask, "Don't you mean SSDI?" No. I don't have access to SSDI. In the 20 years since I attained my majority, I have been unable to work for two-thirds of it (at least) either because I was a full-time student or because I was simply too sick. The other third has been spent looking for work, working briefly (until I had to quit because I was too sick), or scraping by on odd jobs. The most I have ever made in a year was almost $17K (gross), on a job which exceeded my physical capabilities numerous times and was eliminated in the off season.
In January I was suddenly afflicted with severe vision problems, bad enough that I couldn't drive (among other tasks). Six weeks later I think I have it narrowed down to a reaction to volatile mycotoxins, and I've found ways to improve my condition, but as with most aspects of Multiple Chemical Sensitivity it's nothing that the medical community can help with, let alone cure. I now have two classes of chemicals common to my environment which can cause severe and lasting impairment, along with my other Chronic Fatigue Syndrome triggers. I am also prone to injury due to these factors, and I've been accumulating physical damage while doing the odd jobs which I have to take on to make ends meet. Some of that damage is permanent.
This has finally brought me to the conclusion that I can't afford to sacrifice my quality of life in the name of pride or wishful thinking. If I haven't managed to find a way to make a living wage in two decades of trying, it's unlikely that I'll pull it off as I approach middle age. It's time to stop suffering and get what help I can.
The application process is brutal and stressful. I expect it to take from two to five years (two is wildly optimistic). Any support you can offer during this time would be appreciated; I'm still trying to process the feelings I have around this decision, and of course I'm still going to have to try to find money to live on in the interim.
This isn't the life I wanted, but I'm going to do my best with it.
People ask, "Don't you mean SSDI?" No. I don't have access to SSDI. In the 20 years since I attained my majority, I have been unable to work for two-thirds of it (at least) either because I was a full-time student or because I was simply too sick. The other third has been spent looking for work, working briefly (until I had to quit because I was too sick), or scraping by on odd jobs. The most I have ever made in a year was almost $17K (gross), on a job which exceeded my physical capabilities numerous times and was eliminated in the off season.
In January I was suddenly afflicted with severe vision problems, bad enough that I couldn't drive (among other tasks). Six weeks later I think I have it narrowed down to a reaction to volatile mycotoxins, and I've found ways to improve my condition, but as with most aspects of Multiple Chemical Sensitivity it's nothing that the medical community can help with, let alone cure. I now have two classes of chemicals common to my environment which can cause severe and lasting impairment, along with my other Chronic Fatigue Syndrome triggers. I am also prone to injury due to these factors, and I've been accumulating physical damage while doing the odd jobs which I have to take on to make ends meet. Some of that damage is permanent.
This has finally brought me to the conclusion that I can't afford to sacrifice my quality of life in the name of pride or wishful thinking. If I haven't managed to find a way to make a living wage in two decades of trying, it's unlikely that I'll pull it off as I approach middle age. It's time to stop suffering and get what help I can.
The application process is brutal and stressful. I expect it to take from two to five years (two is wildly optimistic). Any support you can offer during this time would be appreciated; I'm still trying to process the feelings I have around this decision, and of course I'm still going to have to try to find money to live on in the interim.
This isn't the life I wanted, but I'm going to do my best with it.
