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torquillI guess, if no other good comes out of this year's medical difficulties, it's causing the scales to fall from my eyes.
I've been conditioned, like everyone else, to trust and obey medical professionals. I don't want to replace that compliance with unyielding cynicism, but I find I'm having to actively re-train myself out of that comfortably obedient role. It's not just a matter of taking an active and skeptical role in my treatment. It involves challenging other social norms that dovetail into the doctor-as-authority notion.
I have a right to be treated well, no matter how much of an authority the person is. And by "treated well", I don't just mean having my bodily autonomy respected, or having polite nurses. I mean I have a right to be seen by someone who takes my words at face value, who doesn't talk over me, who doesn't dismiss my concerns without explanation, and who respects my life choices. Someone who doesn't look at me as a problem, who doesn't shame me for my health issues, who doesn't treat me as a wayward child who is only having problems because I don't do as I'm told. Even if I were to blame for my current health problems (I'm not), I still deserve to have a doctor who takes history as only a prelude to the present, and then asks me what they and I can do together to solve the current issue. I deserve to talk to someone kind.
I deserve to be seen by someone who doesn't reinforce my already-problematic conditioning around weight and health. I struggle enough with the sense that I'm doing myself a disservice by not focusing fiercely on getting down to my metabolic set-point; I don't need the medical community whispering behind their hands that I'd be healthier if I would just eat right, exercise, and lose weight. There is no evidence that losing weight would make me healthier; my lab results (well, other than blood pressure, but that's another can of worms) bear that out. Even overweight, which even I feel like I am right now, I am still healthy by every metric you choose to name, other than the realm of sex hormones.
So, really, I need a doctor who doesn't focus on my weight (or fitness level, within reason) so long as I'm not costing the public money by incurring preventable diseases. When objective measures show that I am healthy, my weight is my business alone. My diet is my business alone. And I shouldn't be eyeing my lunchtime bacon sandwiches with guilt when I know perfectly well they don't impact my health (as part of a sensible diet). I should not give anyone the power to make me feel guilty about my diet or my body.
Because when I'm not relying on anyone else to fix damage I'm incurring -- when I'm not diabetic, or asthmatic, or having structural issues, directly related to my weight -- it's my business what I do with my body. And my body, which I live in every day, should be a vessel for my enjoyment, and I will use it in the ways that bring me joy. If I damage it, then that will not be enjoyable, and I'll stop doing whatever led to that. But until then, so long as it thrives on what I do, I need to use my body to savor the things which make me happy. And I don't have to be someone else's version of "thin" to do that.
(Next step: turn theory into conviction, and apply liberally.)
Edit: One more element of conditioning: If I am doing the right things for my body in terms of exercise and nutrition, to the best of my ability, I shouldn't blame myself for weight gain. My current overweight was the product of a hormone imbalance and inactivity due to illness, not laziness and gluttony. I need to vigorously resist the implication that it is my fault. Those who think so are uninformed and ignorant.
(Frankly, short of eating ice cream for every meal and deliberately sitting on my butt for weeks at a time, I'm not sure that I'd normally be capable of gaining weight. I raise a glass in sympathy to those who are not possessed of quite so resilient a metabolism.)
I've been conditioned, like everyone else, to trust and obey medical professionals. I don't want to replace that compliance with unyielding cynicism, but I find I'm having to actively re-train myself out of that comfortably obedient role. It's not just a matter of taking an active and skeptical role in my treatment. It involves challenging other social norms that dovetail into the doctor-as-authority notion.
I have a right to be treated well, no matter how much of an authority the person is. And by "treated well", I don't just mean having my bodily autonomy respected, or having polite nurses. I mean I have a right to be seen by someone who takes my words at face value, who doesn't talk over me, who doesn't dismiss my concerns without explanation, and who respects my life choices. Someone who doesn't look at me as a problem, who doesn't shame me for my health issues, who doesn't treat me as a wayward child who is only having problems because I don't do as I'm told. Even if I were to blame for my current health problems (I'm not), I still deserve to have a doctor who takes history as only a prelude to the present, and then asks me what they and I can do together to solve the current issue. I deserve to talk to someone kind.
I deserve to be seen by someone who doesn't reinforce my already-problematic conditioning around weight and health. I struggle enough with the sense that I'm doing myself a disservice by not focusing fiercely on getting down to my metabolic set-point; I don't need the medical community whispering behind their hands that I'd be healthier if I would just eat right, exercise, and lose weight. There is no evidence that losing weight would make me healthier; my lab results (well, other than blood pressure, but that's another can of worms) bear that out. Even overweight, which even I feel like I am right now, I am still healthy by every metric you choose to name, other than the realm of sex hormones.
So, really, I need a doctor who doesn't focus on my weight (or fitness level, within reason) so long as I'm not costing the public money by incurring preventable diseases. When objective measures show that I am healthy, my weight is my business alone. My diet is my business alone. And I shouldn't be eyeing my lunchtime bacon sandwiches with guilt when I know perfectly well they don't impact my health (as part of a sensible diet). I should not give anyone the power to make me feel guilty about my diet or my body.
Because when I'm not relying on anyone else to fix damage I'm incurring -- when I'm not diabetic, or asthmatic, or having structural issues, directly related to my weight -- it's my business what I do with my body. And my body, which I live in every day, should be a vessel for my enjoyment, and I will use it in the ways that bring me joy. If I damage it, then that will not be enjoyable, and I'll stop doing whatever led to that. But until then, so long as it thrives on what I do, I need to use my body to savor the things which make me happy. And I don't have to be someone else's version of "thin" to do that.
(Next step: turn theory into conviction, and apply liberally.)
Edit: One more element of conditioning: If I am doing the right things for my body in terms of exercise and nutrition, to the best of my ability, I shouldn't blame myself for weight gain. My current overweight was the product of a hormone imbalance and inactivity due to illness, not laziness and gluttony. I need to vigorously resist the implication that it is my fault. Those who think so are uninformed and ignorant.
(Frankly, short of eating ice cream for every meal and deliberately sitting on my butt for weeks at a time, I'm not sure that I'd normally be capable of gaining weight. I raise a glass in sympathy to those who are not possessed of quite so resilient a metabolism.)
