Shoot the moon
Jun. 8th, 2015 23:49![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
torquillI'm going to go for it.
I realize that I'm typing this as my body is screaming at me with an inflammatory flare brought on by sticky joints and unaccustomed exercise. I realize I could run into more chemical exposures, sprain something again, get the hormone wibbles and lose weeks of productivity. I realize Murphy could utterly screw me.
But I'm going to shoot for it. I'm going home.
I have a plan. I can pay down my credit card *and* save up, assuming I can work just a bit more. Gwen needs a new transmission, but that's the sort of thing I can shove on my credit card after a few more months of paying it down. I can work my ass off (as much as my ass will let me) and get some extra cash. I can register for the OMG sale in August and put out feelers for an extra ticket. I'm gonna try.
There are so many other things that I need to pay for. Dental checkups. New contact lenses. Clothing. Necessities. But I'm realizing that I need to be surrounded by my community, and while there are a bunch of members here in the Bay Area, I think that I need, more than ever, to be part of an entire city of my people. People who Get It. All the energy wonks and self-development folks and Makers all in one place being who they really are.
I need to go home.
It's that important. I can tell. Amy is jumping up and down at me that I'm surrounded by lovely people who simply do not understand me. And I think, if I have any chance of finding people who do, it's Burners. Here in the default world I can connect with some of them, and I'll try hard to do that... but gathered together, it's magic.
If I can put together $500, shelter, and transport (either paid or barter), I can manage. $600 for comfort. I'll leave the sculpture at home, bring a standard bike. I will be my own art project.
Sure, it may implode on me. I may get sidelined for another two months. But anything I manage to save -- any quarters I manage to scrape off the sidewalk -- will go toward a dedicated fund for next year. I haven't given up on going home sometime soon, whether it's this year or next. I'm just going to push for it to be this year.
I'm not Disabled. I'm not Queer. It came home to me tonight that what I am is a Burner, and always will be. I will not define myself by how I am different from others -- I will define myself by my own potential. And to do that, I need to be with my people. People who might not have been through the same stuff, but they know similar stuff, and they get it. And they don't let it stop them, either.
I realize that I'm typing this as my body is screaming at me with an inflammatory flare brought on by sticky joints and unaccustomed exercise. I realize I could run into more chemical exposures, sprain something again, get the hormone wibbles and lose weeks of productivity. I realize Murphy could utterly screw me.
But I'm going to shoot for it. I'm going home.
I have a plan. I can pay down my credit card *and* save up, assuming I can work just a bit more. Gwen needs a new transmission, but that's the sort of thing I can shove on my credit card after a few more months of paying it down. I can work my ass off (as much as my ass will let me) and get some extra cash. I can register for the OMG sale in August and put out feelers for an extra ticket. I'm gonna try.
There are so many other things that I need to pay for. Dental checkups. New contact lenses. Clothing. Necessities. But I'm realizing that I need to be surrounded by my community, and while there are a bunch of members here in the Bay Area, I think that I need, more than ever, to be part of an entire city of my people. People who Get It. All the energy wonks and self-development folks and Makers all in one place being who they really are.
I need to go home.
It's that important. I can tell. Amy is jumping up and down at me that I'm surrounded by lovely people who simply do not understand me. And I think, if I have any chance of finding people who do, it's Burners. Here in the default world I can connect with some of them, and I'll try hard to do that... but gathered together, it's magic.
If I can put together $500, shelter, and transport (either paid or barter), I can manage. $600 for comfort. I'll leave the sculpture at home, bring a standard bike. I will be my own art project.
Sure, it may implode on me. I may get sidelined for another two months. But anything I manage to save -- any quarters I manage to scrape off the sidewalk -- will go toward a dedicated fund for next year. I haven't given up on going home sometime soon, whether it's this year or next. I'm just going to push for it to be this year.
I'm not Disabled. I'm not Queer. It came home to me tonight that what I am is a Burner, and always will be. I will not define myself by how I am different from others -- I will define myself by my own potential. And to do that, I need to be with my people. People who might not have been through the same stuff, but they know similar stuff, and they get it. And they don't let it stop them, either.
no subject
Date: 2015-06-09 16:30 (UTC)