Rescuer of Avocados
May. 8th, 2008 18:00![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
torquillSince I have become increasingly frustrated with people who dump a couple of spoonfuls of salsa and an avocado into a bowl, mash it up, and call it guacamole (no, I'm looking mostly at restaurants here), I have decided to strike back by telling people exactly how easy it is to make The Good Stuff. Once you know, you have no excuse for making bland, gluey guacamole.
You need five food items, a kitchen knife, a bowl, a fork, and some strategy for eating the result.
Scale up as desired:
1 soft ripe avocado
1/8th of a lime
1 medium clove of garlic, crushed or minced
1/8 tsp salt, approximately
pepper
For you non-native-Californians who have never dealt with an avocado before, slice it lengthwise around the pit, then twist the two halves to take them apart. Hit the pit with the knife blade like you're using a hatchet, and when it's firmly embedded in the pit twist to get the pit out. Detaching it is a bigger problem.* Peel each half of the avocado, scraping out the inevitable brown spots (if there are none, it isn't ripe enough) and put the good bits in the bowl. Cry and reach for another avocado if the amount after trimming is less than half of the original.
Add the garlic. If you're incredibly lazy, you can even use the pre-chopped stuff in a jar. I like some garlic flavor, but if you know you love lots, add more. Just keep in mind it's not supposed to be the primary ingredient by volume.
Squeeze the heck out of the lime slice. Not a genteel, polite squirt; mash it. The amount of acidity you get will vary depending on the lime, but an eighth seems like a good starting point. Don't use lemon juice or you'll summon a lynch mob -- the flavor of the lime matters almost more than the acidity. If it still seems to be missing some zip at the end, add a little more.
Mash everything up with the fork. Guac lovers know that a little chunkiness is fine, but sometimes a smoother texture is desired. You don't need it as smooth as pudding, though.
Salt to taste, it's often about 1/8th of a teaspoon (a hearty pinch). Remember to leave it a little undersalted if you have salted chips.
Add pepper until you can just taste it. Taking little dabs "to see whether it needs more" is a great excuse to enjoy it before anybody else has a chance; do it often. It helps with fine tuning the flavors anyway.
Mix it all up well, and serve as soon as possible. Lime helps protect against oxidation, but avocados are always best served as close to when you crack the skin as you can.
What? If you wanted tomatoes, you should have made salsa. Onions aren't something I usually mess with, but if you want to, mince it finely and tell me it's in there so that I can shun your creation. You can add a little chile powder (or better still, hot paprika) if you like heat. Cilantro doesn't belong here -- save it for that salsa you're going to make. Keep your guacamole simple and fresh. :)
* I recommend banging the knife flatwise, pit and all, on the counter until the pit comes skidding off and gets lost somewhere in a dusty corner; laying the knife flat with the pit hanging off the edge of the sink or cutting block, then pressing down as you carefully drag/lever the blade out of the pit may work as well, without necessitating a game of hide-and seek afterward. As comments suggest, if you want to involve your fingers, push from the blunt edge of the knife blade toward the pit, rather than directing your flesh at the sharp edge.
You need five food items, a kitchen knife, a bowl, a fork, and some strategy for eating the result.
Scale up as desired:
1 soft ripe avocado
1/8th of a lime
1 medium clove of garlic, crushed or minced
1/8 tsp salt, approximately
pepper
For you non-native-Californians who have never dealt with an avocado before, slice it lengthwise around the pit, then twist the two halves to take them apart. Hit the pit with the knife blade like you're using a hatchet, and when it's firmly embedded in the pit twist to get the pit out. Detaching it is a bigger problem.* Peel each half of the avocado, scraping out the inevitable brown spots (if there are none, it isn't ripe enough) and put the good bits in the bowl. Cry and reach for another avocado if the amount after trimming is less than half of the original.
Add the garlic. If you're incredibly lazy, you can even use the pre-chopped stuff in a jar. I like some garlic flavor, but if you know you love lots, add more. Just keep in mind it's not supposed to be the primary ingredient by volume.
Squeeze the heck out of the lime slice. Not a genteel, polite squirt; mash it. The amount of acidity you get will vary depending on the lime, but an eighth seems like a good starting point. Don't use lemon juice or you'll summon a lynch mob -- the flavor of the lime matters almost more than the acidity. If it still seems to be missing some zip at the end, add a little more.
Mash everything up with the fork. Guac lovers know that a little chunkiness is fine, but sometimes a smoother texture is desired. You don't need it as smooth as pudding, though.
Salt to taste, it's often about 1/8th of a teaspoon (a hearty pinch). Remember to leave it a little undersalted if you have salted chips.
Add pepper until you can just taste it. Taking little dabs "to see whether it needs more" is a great excuse to enjoy it before anybody else has a chance; do it often. It helps with fine tuning the flavors anyway.
Mix it all up well, and serve as soon as possible. Lime helps protect against oxidation, but avocados are always best served as close to when you crack the skin as you can.
What? If you wanted tomatoes, you should have made salsa. Onions aren't something I usually mess with, but if you want to, mince it finely and tell me it's in there so that I can shun your creation. You can add a little chile powder (or better still, hot paprika) if you like heat. Cilantro doesn't belong here -- save it for that salsa you're going to make. Keep your guacamole simple and fresh. :)
* I recommend banging the knife flatwise, pit and all, on the counter until the pit comes skidding off and gets lost somewhere in a dusty corner; laying the knife flat with the pit hanging off the edge of the sink or cutting block, then pressing down as you carefully drag/lever the blade out of the pit may work as well, without necessitating a game of hide-and seek afterward. As comments suggest, if you want to involve your fingers, push from the blunt edge of the knife blade toward the pit, rather than directing your flesh at the sharp edge.
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no subject
Date: 2008-05-09 17:11 (UTC)That's a bit sadistic, isn't it? That's usually the part where inexperienced folks end up butchering themselves trying to get a slippery ball off of a sharp knife.. (personally, I prefer my guacamole without a trip to the emergency room)
It seems to me at least a mention of the "push, don't pull" philosophy would be a bit more humane..
no subject
Date: 2008-05-09 22:54 (UTC)I'll modify the instructions. :)
no subject
Date: 2008-05-09 23:10 (UTC)Coming from the back edge of the knife, with your thumb and forefinger, push the pit off the blade. That way fingers never actually come near the sharp edges, so it's pretty safe, and you can use the side of the blade itself to steady your fingers so the slipperiness of the pit isn't a big deal.