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One foot in front of the other
Jun. 8th, 2008 16:32It occurs to me that senior year of college really is the hardest. I didn't think it would be true for me, but it has been, and I'm not really sure why.
The reason I didn't realize it until recently is that it crept up on me. I was just thinking about the fact that I used to choose my study times; I used to have something of a social life, except during midterms and finals; I used to have hobbies like sewing, gardening, and baking; I used to sleep more. Gradually, as the years went on, I lost my hobbies (or had to fight for time for them), then my social life eroded far past the acceptable point and into my romantic life, then I started getting much less sleep on a regular basis than I actually need, then I was using more evenings for schoolwork, then I lost my time to relax while commuting (reading for school rather than for pleasure).... finally, this year, I hit the point where I had lost not just my evenings but almost all my weekends. I was lucky to get one full day a week to myself, and it was generally spent thinking about all the work I was postponing.
You could say it was due to progressing from lower-division to higher-division classes, but that's not really true. In each quarter I have had a couple of upper-div classes (generally major classes) and a lower-div one. In the beginning I was taking biochemistry, plant anatomy, and plant propagation, all of which were technically upper-div (even though plant prop was a pushover)... why did I have so much more time then, with the monster of biochem and a strenuous plant anatomy class, than I do now with a history class, a weed science class much less difficult than plant anat, and the pushover of intro to winemaking?
I really can't figure it out. All I know is that I miss weekends and evenings. I miss not having to calculate when I'm going to do laundry. I miss reading livejournal and watching a TV program every week or two. My shoulders are an absolute wreck this week and I'm having to procrastinate to keep my concentration, because I feel like I haven't had more than a couple of hours of unfettered free time in the last couple of months. Maybe the time crunch is due to needing so much more time to unwind because of progressively deeper burnout.
If the work world is ever like this I'm quitting my job. I sure hope what they say about grad school -- that you manage your own time -- really is true; I can't handle this grindstone for another two years.
The reason I didn't realize it until recently is that it crept up on me. I was just thinking about the fact that I used to choose my study times; I used to have something of a social life, except during midterms and finals; I used to have hobbies like sewing, gardening, and baking; I used to sleep more. Gradually, as the years went on, I lost my hobbies (or had to fight for time for them), then my social life eroded far past the acceptable point and into my romantic life, then I started getting much less sleep on a regular basis than I actually need, then I was using more evenings for schoolwork, then I lost my time to relax while commuting (reading for school rather than for pleasure).... finally, this year, I hit the point where I had lost not just my evenings but almost all my weekends. I was lucky to get one full day a week to myself, and it was generally spent thinking about all the work I was postponing.
You could say it was due to progressing from lower-division to higher-division classes, but that's not really true. In each quarter I have had a couple of upper-div classes (generally major classes) and a lower-div one. In the beginning I was taking biochemistry, plant anatomy, and plant propagation, all of which were technically upper-div (even though plant prop was a pushover)... why did I have so much more time then, with the monster of biochem and a strenuous plant anatomy class, than I do now with a history class, a weed science class much less difficult than plant anat, and the pushover of intro to winemaking?
I really can't figure it out. All I know is that I miss weekends and evenings. I miss not having to calculate when I'm going to do laundry. I miss reading livejournal and watching a TV program every week or two. My shoulders are an absolute wreck this week and I'm having to procrastinate to keep my concentration, because I feel like I haven't had more than a couple of hours of unfettered free time in the last couple of months. Maybe the time crunch is due to needing so much more time to unwind because of progressively deeper burnout.
If the work world is ever like this I'm quitting my job. I sure hope what they say about grad school -- that you manage your own time -- really is true; I can't handle this grindstone for another two years.
