Maybe doctors aren't so bad
Aug. 17th, 2006 13:20![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
torquillI came back from this morning's doctor appointment crying, I was so happy.
Even though I've never actually had any medical person tell me that the Chronic Fatigue is all in my head (I had one or two come close), I have still felt the marginalization of CFS and its related syndromes very keenly. They're generally diagnoses by process of elimination, which means that no one can point to a number or result and feel absolutely sure that the culprit has been found. Even when you've done all the reasonable tests, you still can't be sure: there's always a few things (heavy metal poisoning, pituitary damage, systemic yeast infections) that you haven't tested yet... Complications like medication intolerance are common, and symptoms can be intermittent. It's a minefield for the average GP.
This means that most mainstream doctors don't know CFS well, either in diagnosis or treatment. Non-mainstream doctors know more about it, but have a regrettable tendency to favor fringe theories (if not completely batty ones), act like flakes, and be hideously expensive. I've tried a few, and on the other end of six or eight years, I've been pretty underwhelmed by the lot of them. I'm too scientific to buy some of the theories they're bandying about, and I get pretty mad when I'm paying large amounts of money for a handful of notes which are useless down the line.
I've been so bitter and cynical about Western medicine over the last many years, as the people I'd been taught to turn to all threw up their hands and turned away to deal with easier problems. They're supposed to be miracle workers by reputation, the ones who figure out what's wrong and find a way to help. All I was seeing was people with small toolboxes trying to figure out a machine, and when none of their tools worked, packing up and going home. Where was that curiosity, the need to solve the puzzle, that you see on TV?
My parents suggested their GP when I was talking about needing one for at least acute care. I shrugged, figuring he might come in handy for standard stuff; after having to pick up where my previous doctor left off, I've categorized and figured out treatments for my own symptoms pretty well. When I discovered that I might be able to get a reduced unit load at university, I finally called up my parents' doctor to find out whether he could help.
All I have to say is that it's like being a pariah in a foreign land, and finally having a single person stop to give you a hand when you've fallen down. Not only does he believe that I have the symptoms I describe -- he comes across as experienced, not gullible -- he is really, honestly interested in helping me find ways to live around them. He seemed almost embarrassed at my gratitude when he agreed to write letters and work with the university until we got an accommodation, despite being crippled by old, useless notes from my previous doctor; he just said that he really wants me to go to school, and figures that if I need a doctor to get the little accommodation I'm asking for, then he'll do what he can. I tried to give him as much information about requirements as I could, in turn, but I really get the feeling that he's not just going through the motions here. He's also not a kook, not a flake, quite willing to venture into heavy scientific reasoning, and is covered by my insurance.
He seems to suggest a medication every time I'm in -- one at a time, and he never pushes it, but I'm reminded that he does know this illness from a chemical rather than holistic standpoint. I'm cynical about that too -- the spectacular failures I got out of the medications prescribed by Kaiser for fibromyalgia soured me on the whole idea of pharmaceutical assistance for the CFS/MCS/fibro cluster. These things might work for some people, but for anyone with a compromised detox pathway it may be harmful long-term, and my system just rejects most of them horribly. I'm still haunted by the effect from even an antibiotic I was prescribed for a skin complaint: at the top of a long list of side effects were psychotic episodes and paranoia. Since then, I tend to steer clear of drugs as a rule.
I accepted the doctor's offer this time, though. It's something that's supposed to increase alertness and mental clarity on an occasional basis; he acknowledged my concern about negative effects by quartering the dose. I figure that the least I can do in return for his sincerity is to give his ideas an honest try. If he's not going to be patronizing and dismissive, I'll try not to be stubborn and cynical... let's see how far we can get with that.
It's just a little shocking how deeply I can be affected by a little kindness in this arena. I sometimes say that I got abandoned by Kaiser and my last doctor, because that's what it feels like. Maybe having a partner in my search for health could heal more things than I expected.
Even though I've never actually had any medical person tell me that the Chronic Fatigue is all in my head (I had one or two come close), I have still felt the marginalization of CFS and its related syndromes very keenly. They're generally diagnoses by process of elimination, which means that no one can point to a number or result and feel absolutely sure that the culprit has been found. Even when you've done all the reasonable tests, you still can't be sure: there's always a few things (heavy metal poisoning, pituitary damage, systemic yeast infections) that you haven't tested yet... Complications like medication intolerance are common, and symptoms can be intermittent. It's a minefield for the average GP.
This means that most mainstream doctors don't know CFS well, either in diagnosis or treatment. Non-mainstream doctors know more about it, but have a regrettable tendency to favor fringe theories (if not completely batty ones), act like flakes, and be hideously expensive. I've tried a few, and on the other end of six or eight years, I've been pretty underwhelmed by the lot of them. I'm too scientific to buy some of the theories they're bandying about, and I get pretty mad when I'm paying large amounts of money for a handful of notes which are useless down the line.
I've been so bitter and cynical about Western medicine over the last many years, as the people I'd been taught to turn to all threw up their hands and turned away to deal with easier problems. They're supposed to be miracle workers by reputation, the ones who figure out what's wrong and find a way to help. All I was seeing was people with small toolboxes trying to figure out a machine, and when none of their tools worked, packing up and going home. Where was that curiosity, the need to solve the puzzle, that you see on TV?
My parents suggested their GP when I was talking about needing one for at least acute care. I shrugged, figuring he might come in handy for standard stuff; after having to pick up where my previous doctor left off, I've categorized and figured out treatments for my own symptoms pretty well. When I discovered that I might be able to get a reduced unit load at university, I finally called up my parents' doctor to find out whether he could help.
All I have to say is that it's like being a pariah in a foreign land, and finally having a single person stop to give you a hand when you've fallen down. Not only does he believe that I have the symptoms I describe -- he comes across as experienced, not gullible -- he is really, honestly interested in helping me find ways to live around them. He seemed almost embarrassed at my gratitude when he agreed to write letters and work with the university until we got an accommodation, despite being crippled by old, useless notes from my previous doctor; he just said that he really wants me to go to school, and figures that if I need a doctor to get the little accommodation I'm asking for, then he'll do what he can. I tried to give him as much information about requirements as I could, in turn, but I really get the feeling that he's not just going through the motions here. He's also not a kook, not a flake, quite willing to venture into heavy scientific reasoning, and is covered by my insurance.
He seems to suggest a medication every time I'm in -- one at a time, and he never pushes it, but I'm reminded that he does know this illness from a chemical rather than holistic standpoint. I'm cynical about that too -- the spectacular failures I got out of the medications prescribed by Kaiser for fibromyalgia soured me on the whole idea of pharmaceutical assistance for the CFS/MCS/fibro cluster. These things might work for some people, but for anyone with a compromised detox pathway it may be harmful long-term, and my system just rejects most of them horribly. I'm still haunted by the effect from even an antibiotic I was prescribed for a skin complaint: at the top of a long list of side effects were psychotic episodes and paranoia. Since then, I tend to steer clear of drugs as a rule.
I accepted the doctor's offer this time, though. It's something that's supposed to increase alertness and mental clarity on an occasional basis; he acknowledged my concern about negative effects by quartering the dose. I figure that the least I can do in return for his sincerity is to give his ideas an honest try. If he's not going to be patronizing and dismissive, I'll try not to be stubborn and cynical... let's see how far we can get with that.
It's just a little shocking how deeply I can be affected by a little kindness in this arena. I sometimes say that I got abandoned by Kaiser and my last doctor, because that's what it feels like. Maybe having a partner in my search for health could heal more things than I expected.
